


To Not Get Lost

by Elane_in_the_Shadows



Category: Red Queen Series - Victoria Aveyard
Genre: Denial, F/M, First Aid, Kissing, Steel Scars, after danger, forest romance, wound care
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-25
Updated: 2019-06-25
Packaged: 2020-05-19 19:22:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19362847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elane_in_the_Shadows/pseuds/Elane_in_the_Shadows
Summary: This story takes place during Steel Scars (I hope all of you have read it, now that it was released again in Broken Throne) after Farley’s camp is raided and Shade reveals his teleporting to Farley and is sworn into the Scarlet Guard. You might remember this moment:“What is your name?” […]Shade looks on, expectant. I realize he’s holding my hand, not minding the blood coagulating beneath my fingers.“My name is Diana.”For once, his smile is real. No jokes no mask.“Are you with us, Shade Barrow?”“I’m with you, Diana.”“Then we will rise.”His voice joins mine.Red as the dawn.“A truly iconic Fade moment. The fic starts after this.This also refers to their (canon) first kiss hinted at in Bright Shadow.





	To Not Get Lost

**“Do you know** where we’re going?” Shade asked. “Or why are you staring at the sky like there’s a map and compass to be found?”

Farley stopped in her tracks. “There _is_ ,” she deadpanned, “a ‘compass’ in the sky. It’s called the sun.”

He shrugged. She walked on, threw back her braid and was disappointed its wet weight didn’t allow it to swing like a whip. Inwardly, she cursed the enduring squeaking of her soggy boots. “If you need to know, I’m looking for Tristan – in the tree tops. Don’t want him to shoot us.

“And,” she added sharply, “I do know the way. I’ve planned for a meeting point farther down the river in case of emergency.”

“Of course you did,” Shade agreed, sounding way too amused. She couldn’t tell if it was praise or tease. Yet he followed her. After a few steps, she dared to glance at him again – and promptly found his sparkling golden eyes.

_Definitely teasing_ , she figured when she noticed his smirk.

“I could make this quicker, you know,” he said. “Like before.”

_By “jumping”._ She shuddered at the thought, and not just because their last jump landed them in the river, which was why they were both still dripping wet. While the heat of the Nortan July kept her from freezing, she was unsettled by the other side effects of Shade Barrow’s mysterious, not-Silver ability.

“I don’t have time to get sick again,” she said, stopped and turned to face him. “Why are you even coming with me? My team is _leaving_ this area. You should return to Corvium, to your unit. It’d be danger – “

“Dangerous to desert without preparation? Well, _I_ can always get away quickly.” He stepped up to her as he spoke until he almost bumped into her. She backed off just in time, but couldn’t avoid their arms banging. “Sorry,” she mumbled.

Shade winced conspicuously and Farley remembered how she’d cut him just half an hour ago. “Sorry,” she repeated, louder this time, and took his hand. Their eyes met. “It was a bit … harsh to demand this brutal kind of proof.”

Shade titled his head and smiled amicably. “No, I understand perfectly well, Di – Captain.” He laid his hand on top of hers. “You have to be certain and careful who to trust, I’ve always known that. And anyway,” his smile became broader, “it was bound to happen sooner or later.”

Frowning, she pulled her hand away. “What?”

He tried to cross his arms nonchalantly but failed to manage that without flinching. “You threatening me and shedding my blood, I mean.”

Farley was about to nod and apologize – again, what was wrong with her to do that so often? – when she realized Shade was still having fun. Suddenly, she saw the dots connecting. Shade seeming too eager at rebellion. Shade talking back to and teasing her. Shade sneaking up on her, urging her instincts to point a gun to his head.

Her face burned at the revelation. “What, is that your _kink_ or something?!” she exclaimed. “Getting yourself into danger by the woman you – ” she bit her lips to stop herself from insinuating anything more. This was embarrassing enough already.

At least his smugness had evaporated a little. “I wouldn’t say it like that,” he muttered, rubbing his arm and sounding awkward.

He didn’t dare to say more, either.

Her hands on her hips, Farley turned away. To catch a few breaths without him in sight. To get away with the increasing heat between them. It calmed her, to an extent, but his presence behind her remained as a shiver, an itch, an _urge_ on her back she was unable to forget or ignore.

After a moment, she spun on her heel and almost stumbled as she lacked grip in her wet boots and on the muddy ground.

He grabbed her by the shoulder to stabilize her. She swatted his hand away.

She refrained from adding a remark. She couldn’t think of one, either way, and only listened to their mutually heavy breathing. “I could take care of your wound,” she offered, and finally managed to meet his eyes again.

He nodded, looking relieved. “I’d appreciate that.”

* * *

**They sat down,** less close to the river and farther into the forest. Pine needles littered the ground and gave the place an odour less reminiscent of the battlefield several kilometres off. It had to be for the slight breeze coming from the other direction. Farley began to rummage through her backpack. It was her emergency bag, readily crammed with essentials like a first-aid-kit. But as the rest of her and Shade’s things, it was absolutely soaked. She frowned at the bandages she finally fished out, now humid on the outside.

“It’s gonna be okay as long as it’s clean,” Shade encouraged her and outstretched his injured arm. She hesitated to oblige and searched for another few seconds, before she gave up and sighed in resignation.

“It’ll have to do,” she admitted, touched his arm and found his gaze. That prompted an unsure smile from her, because it was still awkward to be this near.

Cleaning and bandaging his wound didn’t improve that. Golden rays and shades of sunset fell through the woods, conifers and foliage, onto the soft brown skin of his arm. Farley operated deliberately carefully and with concentration yet she still longed to touch more of him. Suddenly, she was very aware of how their damp uniforms clung to their bodies and brought out his and her shapes. And despite that, Shade’s skin was warm to the touch, and a part of her had some very unprofessional thoughts of getting rid of the fucking clothes to let them stay warm by laying down skin on skin.

Farley bit into her lips and cheeks and fixed the bandage a little too tightly. “Done” she stated, and leaned back onto her palms.

Shade blinked, both for the last tuck on the bandage and as if waking from a dream. Again, she wanted to but wouldn’t look at him. It was wrong to have such desires, after the raid, after the probable deaths of some of her comrades which she only escaped because Shade seemed to … fancy her.

And taking off their clothes wouldn’t get them dry any quicker either way, unless they made a fire which was an even sillier notion than the fornication she was imagining.

In the end, it was anathema she wasted time with a lover when her comrades where running for their lives. She straightened into a squatting position and focused on her backpack. “You really need to get going now,” she said, shoving the first-aid-kit inside the bag. As she did, she came across her radio device. Like everything else, it showed sighs of the river episode.

_Cara will know how to fix it_ , she thought. _If Cara makes it to the meeting point._

Shade cleared his throat.

Right, this was taking too long already. She got up. “You have your radio, Operative Barrow?” she asked in her captain voice.

He flashed her a crooked grin accompanied by a tilt of his head. “You know how much care I have for important things.”

_What’s that supposed to mean?_

“Or,” he continued as he rose, “you want to be certain you can call on me for help once more?”

That was too much. Frustrated, she blew air into her cheeks and yet there was enough seriousness in his voice she wasn’t certain he was _only_ joking. If he was further trying to provoke her, she had to cut this short.

She sighed and lifted her hand, for a second intending to pat his shoulder, before she settled for a handshake. “Do your best, Operative Barrow. I’ll remain your handler even when we leave this area.” Now it was no longer so awkward to meet his eyes; it was mere proof of their trust in each other.

Shade kept his gaze on her face as they shook hands. “Rise red as the dawn, Diana,” he said, and moved closer as if to add an embrace to their goodbye.

Farley sidled backwards. “I don’t do hugs,” she claimed.

He blinked, but his arms were down as soon as they’d been raised. Stepping away, he cleared his throat. “Goodbye then,” he said, “and good luck with finding the rest of your team.” The words had started somewhat bitter, but ended on a soft, concerned note, as if to comfort her.

It made her own bravado take flight. Her usual smirk, pinned on her face to demonstrate confidence and determination fell off and while she felt relief when she stopped to hide her worries, she was glad Shade had already turned around to go. Or to _jump_ , to make this quicker and easier.

Yet he hesitated.

He tried another step, only to hold back, to ponder on something, Farley assumed. Did they forget something? Something vital or dangerous?

But she wasn’t really occupied with that and rather with him. Before he’d take his leave, she looked him over as she liked to do when she had the chance. Shade Barrow was handsome, probably for many, but especially for her. His face was one thing, though he was appealing all in all. His hair, cut short for the army, had grown long enough to bend under the persisting sogginess, like plants after the rain. And then there were his lean shape, the quick legs, slim hips and slight but defined shoulders.

Usually, his gait, his whole posture, was too spirited for a conscripted soldier, reminding her of something as subversive as hope. There had been many times when she’d almost chided him for that, for giving away the look of a rebel, and the Scarlet Guard couldn’t need that. Every time she’d refrained from speaking up. Because she knew she probably appeared the same way, and more so because she enjoyed to see Shade like that, as if she, no, the Scarlet Guard, had given this confidence to him.

_Although he always had it in him. Without my encouragement._

But not now. His shoulders had fallen, and he seemed downcast, if not frustrated.

It was how she felt, too. She had every reason to, even when she concealed that. Her team had had to flee camp, in haste and pursuit, because she, their captain, had stayed in Corvium too long. Stubbornly so, for – because of Shade’s intelligence.

She swallowed. _“I don’t do hugs”_ , she’d said to keep up her image and not to linger any longer in this moment. But did she mean it?

_Just let him go_

Let him go, let both of them think they were mere comrades, that telling him her name meant nothing, that her heart hadn’t fluttered when she did.

He sighed, and his frozen stance melted. It sent a shiver down her spine. He was about to leave for good and that would be it.

Nothing. Nothing was between them.

The air felt cold and too sharp when she opened her mouth, like it was too much, like a final reminder to abort mission. She ignored it.

“I don’t do hugs,” she repeated, with her arms crossed and withholding any intonation, “but you could kiss me.” Her voice sounded neutral after all, and that was all she was able to control, as she wasn’t so sure about her face. She didn’t know what he saw when he spun on his heels. He seemed as feeble as a deer, cheeks red with the same flush that heated up hers.

“That is an order,” she deadpanned, in a last attempt to make it a joke, playing on the kink she’d accused him off. It wasn’t a joke, and Shade had to know it.

The second she’d said it, she rued it. She had to sound like an abusive Silver, an officer making undue advances, or the worst, like the colonel who’d already forgotten that love couldn’t exist only hidden behind coldly uttered orders.

It was the worst try at flirting imaginable. She swam in her embarrassment, she couldn’t even look at him, nor hear what he was muttering now. So she was without defense when he strode toward her and he almost swept her off her feet if he hadn’t grabbed her arms.

Fingers brushed her cheek, testingly, and finally, she looked up, getting lost in his amber eyes. There was a spark in them, a wish fulfilled. He asked nonetheless.

“Yes,” she breathed, because she was too still to nod. But not for long.

His lips met hers and she gave in, her whole body angling toward his. His kiss was hungry, and showing he knew what to do. After the first, sweet touch, their mouths opened to let their tongues play and explore. She could taste the salty blend of sweat and water on his face. This time, her nipples didn’t tighten from the sogginess, while in another place, something loosened and melted in her. It would be too simple to call it desire, although it wasn’t wrong. It was also more than that.

She was glad for the let soaked layers of rough clothing separating them, weakening the intensity she felt as his fingers splayed on her back and waist, because she feared she’d never stop otherwise. She couldn’t help leaning closer to him, ever closer, but she kept her hands fixed on his belt. She wouldn’t do more, not now, but she’d neither let go.

Shade proved freer there. With both his mouth and his fingers. Once, after tipping over her chin and neck, he pulled gently on her braid and made her moan. His response to that felt like a giggle that quickly infected her as well.

It was the laughter evolving from this giggle that finally pulled them apart, forcing them to break away and gasp for a few, deep breaths.

She grinned like she’d forgotten what had happened today, only rejoicing over his palm on her cheek, his fingers tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

His hand was softer than hers, with lesser calluses.

“That was nice,” he said, making her crack an even bigger smile. Insatiable, she leaned forward to steal another light kiss and it was obvious Shade would’ve loved to go on as much as she.

_If only we could._

“This wasn’t a mistake,” she said, as if she was making a confession to herself.

An emotion ran over Shade’s face, too fast for her to decipher. He swallowed it down but something still lingered on his tongue while she, slowly, began to slip out of their embrace.

He pondered, and his head inched forward. “Diana,” he whispered into her ear, and she wished to hear him say her name a million more times.

“Will you still be around tomorrow?” he asked.

She startled for a second before she regained her composure. A _captain_ ’s composure. A frown was her only reply.

“I have a favour to ask,” Shade said.

She raised her eyebrows. “Another?”

He lifted a chiding finger. “That was a favour to you, if you remember.”

She cursed under her breath because she was blushing again. “Right, So, what is it?”

“I … well, I learned of the raid while searching through an office. And I’ve found something, something very useful to the cause. But I need to retrieve it.”

A switch flicked in her. _He isn’t only a good kisser, but an ever better operative_. “Excellent,” she said and considered. “We’ll leave from Rocasta’s outskirts tomorrow, but we’ll have to wait for the right time. Can you make it there?”

He didn’t display a shred of doubt. “I will,” he assured her, and she was about to tell him the time and place when he added, “but now to my favour.”

“Yes?” She crossed her arms and smirked.

“Will you go to the Stilts again?”

She shrugged as she couldn’t be sure, but she’d find a way. “We rely on the Whistle network,” she said, “and it’s close to Summerton. We’ll return there sooner or later.”

Shade took a breath. “Will you deliver a letter to my family?”

_Oh._ She lifted her shoulders to hide her surprise. “Sure.” _As long as he doesn’t want to introduce me to his family._ Farley shouldn’t have been astounded that Shade thought of his family, he talked often enough of them. Of Mare.

“Consider it done,” she promised lightly, “if you bring me that letter in time. Any further thing I should check on in the Stilts? Another message?” She laughed, but Shade took his time to think about this seriously.

Finally, he shook his head. “That’s it,” he decided and stepped forward to grab her by the shoulder and pull her close. “Just stay alive without me looking after you, Diana,” he whispered, let go of her, and vanished.

Diana Farley fell to her knees and choked with laughter – or sobs – because of the wave of emotion that rolled over her and couldn’t be held back, now that she was alone. Allowing herself to relive this small moment of happiness, she cursed at the dramatic, showy jerk she was falling for.


End file.
